The coronavirus is on everyone’s lips – even as we don masks to keep it from passing our lips. The great majority of the world’s population is still free of the virus at this point, but many, many of us are infected with fear. And this fear of catching the potentially deadly virus is leading us to distance and isolate ourselves from our fellow human beings – at a time when we need each other more than ever.
It’s our positive connections to others that help us get through life. Maybe it’s the 30-second conversation we have when we order a coffee at our favorite cafe. Maybe it’s a heart-to-heart chat with our best friend over that cup of coffee. No matter where they take place, and with whom, these interactions are essential to our well-being, not just emotionally, but physically, too. Research has shown that people who have these type of connections live longer than those who don’t.
What does this mean for us, then, living as we are now, in the time of coronavirus? When we may already be avoiding going out of the house in an attempt to avoid germs? When events that might draw large crowds are being cancelled? When towns are announcing that they might need to close schools? As we make these kinds of adjustments in an attempt to protect ourselves from this virus, we are taking steps to safeguard our bodies. But what are we doing to protect our hearts from the terrible – even deadly – consequences of isolating ourselves from the humans who bring joy and life to our lives?
I got together with a friend for coffee the other day. As we spoke about the coronavirus, we both remarked that we were feeling more aware than usual of the fragility of life. And this awareness left us both feeling very grateful for our friendship, and for the precious connections we have with our other friends and loved ones.
It just so happens that another friend and I are reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s novel, Love in the Time of Cholera together. One thing that has struck us in the novel is the characters’ devotion to each other, to love, and the necessity they feel to establish and maintain close contact with each other. They pursue these connections in a way that seems both obsessive and entirely natural. These characters know, without reading any scientific research on the topic, that they will perish without love. Because we don’t die only from cholera or coronavirus or some other disease. We really can die from lack of human connection and love. At the same time, the search for loving connection is so clearly tied in the novel to the possibility of death: these characters have no doubt that love might just as easily kill them as save them.
As I see it, the coronavirus has presented us with a similar conundrum: Leading our lives in the way that feels most satisfying to our hearts – in frequent contact with those whose company nourishes and satisfies and supports us – means placing ourselves in grave danger: We might end up taking in an invisible pathogen that may sicken or kill us. Certainly, we humans have faced this kind of challenge before. The Spanish Flu, Ebola, and SARS come to mind from the last 100 years alone. Not to mention HIV/AIDs, which highlights the potential lethality of a loving connection with such poignancy that it could have sprung from the pages of Márquez’s novel.
Coronavirus, though, is the pathogen of this moment. When news stories detail who is most at risk of getting sick, we might be tempted to relieve our fears by contrasting ourselves with members of these populations. “I’m young,” we’ll think. Or, “I don’t live in China.” Or, “I’m not immune-compromised.” One problem with separating ourselves from others in this way is that we are, in fact, all vulnerable, despite what we may tell ourselves. Another problem is that when we see certain categories of other people as most at risk of contracting this virus, we can easily shift to seeing these same people as a risk to us. Then maybe we start avoiding elderly folks, or our acquaintances who are immune-compromised, or Chinese restaurants, as happened in the town where I live. Maybe we start not just avoiding others, but lashing out against them: Just this morning, I read that an Asian man in London was brutally attacked by four people who shouted that they didn’t want the coronavirus in their country. This is how a pathogen like the coronavirus begins to insidiously drive us apart. As each of the other diseases I mentioned has done, the coronavirus tempts us to view our fellow humans not as people who are vital in some way to our well-being, but, rather, as threats. This, in turn, can cause us to fear interacting with others at the very time when we need the resilience and true comfort that only our connections to each other can give us.
How, then, do we live “in the time of coronavirus”, given the threat it presents to our physical and heart health? I do believe that washing our hands and minimizing our exposure to already-infected folks are prudent courses of action to take to safeguard our bodies. But, personally, I’m also striving to not view everyone around me as a potential disease vector. We are all human beings who want to get through this alive. So, let’s all also put as much energy as we can into strengthening and increasing the loving connections between us. Because we need each other! Maybe we’ll have to talk on the phone more often, instead of getting together in person. Even just emailing and texting each other are great ways to avoid becoming isolated in fear and loneliness. And this is key, because, although keeping to ourselves might protect our physical health, it’s maximizing our contact with those we love that will keep our hearts happy and healthy. A bonus is that striving to maintain loving connections – with loved ones and strangers alike – supports our bodies’ immune systems, too. In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that it’s our love for each other that will keep us alive. So, keep in touch, dear ones. Keep in touch.
Sue Downing 